" It's a sad day when your own son dosen't at least give you a call to say hi, how are you doing... I guess my son dosen't care anymore... very sad... hope you feel tough!" (sic)
Wow! Parental guilt via social media! Mothers and fathers take note. Fire up those computers, laptops, tablets and smartphones! Shame your offspring on the internet! That little bastard forgot to call me on Father's Day! I'll show him!
For the record, I spent Father's Day at my job. Sweating it out in a hot, dusty, dirty, factory. Tools at hand, doing my best to keep assemblies of steel heating , cooling, punching , cutting and ultimately creating the product that keeps butter on my bread. And loving every minute of it. I dig what I do and I get to do it with one of the coolest assemblages of people on the planet.
But wait a minute. I'm a father. It's Father's Day. Don't I deserve to be recognized and honoured for all my sacrifices, kindess, love and care? I came home from work yesterday and was sitting at the kitchen table surfing the web on my laptop. My son came in. He had spent the weekend with his mother's side of the family. The conversation went something like this. "Hi." "Hi Dad." "How was your weekend?" "Good." It's Father's Day you know." "Oh....yeah. Happy Father's Day" Me ( somewhat facetiously) "So what did you get me?" "I made you a card. It's at school. I'll get it tomorrow." "Cool."
Ok. Maybe I should have been annoyed and disappointed that he forgot Father's Day. I even tried to foster those feelings within myself. But I couldn't. It's not important. My relationship with my son is kind of casual but we express our love and appreciation of each other in our own ways. We are what we are and we catch the joy on the fly.
Me ( sitting at the computer playing with my pictures ) " Hey Greg. Look at this picture. Tell me what you think." "Wow! Cool Dad. Did you take that one?" Me ( with obvious pride) "Yup. That one's mine." " I like it it. The colours are awesome." Yeah. It's a good one. Hey, who's the coolest photographer on the whole damn planet?" "You are Dad." "Thanks kid."
I make my living as an industrial mechanic, but my skills with tools don't end at my employer's door. Overheard a few times to some of his friends with broken bicycles or skateboards with seized up wheels. " Let's bring it to my Dad. He can fix anything."
I guess that the bottom line here, is that I know I am loved and appreciated by my son. I don't need a manufactured holiday for affirmation of my fatherhood. Like I said earlier, I catch the joy on the fly, and, if you keep your eyes and ears open, there's a ton of joy out there.
I know that, in some ways, it's early days yet. I haven't yet had to deal with the relentless self involvement of his teenage years or the ridiculous arrogance of his early twenties. But I'm hopeful and reasonably confident that these issues will be taken in stride in a father / son relationship that is based on mutual admiration, respect, and love.
In a way, indifference to Father's Day is a kind of back handed compliment. It is an indicator of confidence in a relationship that dosen't need a special day to be celebrated. He knows who I am and loves (tolerates) me anyway. For me, Father's Day is every day.
... more later
Oh man, shame is THE BEST parenting strategy! /sarcasm
ReplyDeleteIt strikes me that parents who bemoan their offspring not giving them enough respect, or paying enough attention, or not idolizing them, are the parents who disrespected their kids, didn't pay attention to them, and treated them like crap. And they don't usually even recognize it.
You rock. Keep up the awesome parenting! :)
Those who have will eventually say that they are forgotten. Us who do not have will relish in the fact that they want us.
ReplyDeleteMy suggestion is that we all will work together to make a better family.